ya know how oreos get kinda mushy when they get old? ya know, like they lose that crisp cookie-ness? when i was a kid my little brother loved oreos. my mom would buy them all the time for him. when they would get old and he wouldn’t want them anymore, they would magically disappear. wasting food in that house was not something you wanted to get caught doing or you’d be feelin it the next day if ya know what i mean. but somehow the cookies would get old and then they’d be gone and he was never punished for it. sure, he was the favorite, but cmon. he claimed he never threw them out. so one day i asked my mom,

“where do the oreos go when they get old?” and she replied “well if you guys won’t eat them, i’ll take them to school and the kids there will eat them.”

“mom, you give the retards our stale cookies?!”

“well, yeah, they don’t know any better.”

…