i was perhaps 16 years old.  i was at some house party of which i recall there being no cups left when i got there.  to remedy such i do believe i used the cookie jar instead.  there was 99 Bananas involved.  i got home past curfew and the door was locked.  i couldn’t wake up my parents because then they would see not only was i in way past curfew but i was quite inebriated.  

so i try the back windows.  someone locked all but one, the window by the kitchen sink, which mind you was FULL of pots and pans stacked up to dry.  great.

i go to boost myself up but these fucking rave pants are so huge and in the way and the window frame is sharp, so what do i do?  take em off.  why not? i put them over the window frame.  

AND THEN a light goes on upstairs.  fuck.  i crouch down, pantless, outside and peek in.  if its my mom i better hope she doesnt see me.  if its my dad, he will probably be cool and will let me in.  

…the person goes down the stairs … and from where i’m peeking just a sliver above the window frame i see..

my dad!   yes!  

my dad is naked!  OH NO!  oh gross.  gross gross gross.

fuck.  even if i got his attention to let me inside he would know i just saw him naked and that is too weird.  so i wait about 5 minutes after he goes back upstairs and goes back to bed.  

again, i raise myself up onto the window frame.  still, i am pantless mind you, and full of 99 Bananas.  

it took FOREVER but i finally made it stealthily over the mountain of pots and pans.  not a single sound.  i sit on a kitchen chair and breath with relief.  

and then i hear the side screen door open and shut.  and then keys in the door.  and then my older brother stumbles in and says “jesus, meg, where are your pants?”

son of a bitch.

(originally written 10 December 2009)