Pirata's Stories

i miss this jerk. he’s in THREE bands now back home, crazy man.  im hoping one will tour soon and come here.  he also owns a basement that hosts a growing number of shows, so i dont know how that would work out with him touring…  hrm.  shrug.  

he’s been my friend since the summer day i met him in 200….2!  i think he picked my nose.  he was a real asshole and often would say something stupid that sometimes i’d respond by punching him in the arm to which he would punch me really hard back and then id hit him as hard as i could and then it was an all out fight club that usually ended in him trying to lick my eyeball.  he did it.  once.  it was really gross.  we haven’t fought since.  

he was really tough and kind of mean but refreshingly honest and that made me like him.  then his gf did some nasty shit and he called me up pretty upset about it much to my surprise and told me all about it.  it turns out he was human after all!  ever since we’ve been good pals and often check in on each other and threaten to beat up whoever the other is dating if things get rough.  haha.  

when i’m in buffalo i usually live on his couch.  its a pretty good couch.  the bathroom is always super gross because of all the people who use it when there’s shows.  

when he is really drunk and laughing really hard his eyes shut so tight that im surprised he doesn’t walk into things more.

one time he punched Dirty in the mouth after Dirty had dental work done and told everyone his mouth was entirely numb.  Dirty hit the ground hard and was pissed.  ”what the fuck man?!” and Derek shrugged.  

he has the stay puff marshmallow man fighting godzilla tattooed on his arm.  there’s also the richard scary worm sticking his tongue out at a dragon and the winnebago from Space Balls in the background floating in space.  he also has a butt tattooed on his armpit.  its a hairy butt.  i know it well.  he’s so tall that his hugs usually end up with me in his armpit.  i’ve cried in that armpit a few times though.  its a good pit.

one of my favorite conversations with him:

me: *flipping through vinyl*  damn, you’ve got a ton of ska.
derder: yea.  i love toots, put that shit on.
me: hrm *looks him over*
derder: what? 
me: you work in a factory right?
derder: yeap.
me: and you’re in a union and all that right?
derder: yea
me: and you have a shaved head.
derder:  yup.  *scratches head*
me: and you love ska.
derder: duuurrrrrr.  you got a point?
me: dood.  you’re a skinhead.
derder: what? nah. i… i…  hrmf.  shit you’re right.
me: man, you’ve been a skinhead for YEARS now.  did you have any idea?   
derder:  *mind blown*  no.

if you see him at a show in buffalo, don’t be scared, go say Hi. i mean, the worst he might do is pick your nose if he thinks you’re cute.